So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
