Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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