just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
