I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
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