I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
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