Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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