someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Randomize
