i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
