absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
