I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
