I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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