i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
