i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
