Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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