if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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