Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
That was an excessively violent trivia night
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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