Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Swine flu. Run for my life!
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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