like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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