I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
