Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
