i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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