I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
