Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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