can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
