The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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