I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
