I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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