Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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