I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
