She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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