im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
