I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
