He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
