You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Randomize
