I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
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