Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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