she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize