thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
