btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
