So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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