the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
