sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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