A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
