I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
