well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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