do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
