another moral hangover. fuck.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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