my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
