Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Randomize