About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Come on in and take your pants off
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