Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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