is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize