I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
