Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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