I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize