Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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