Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
