I accidentally had phone sex last night
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
