I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
