jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Randomize