If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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