I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
