dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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