haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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