You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Randomize
