I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
