You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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